Ok, I admit it, I am mortal. I don't possess any supernatural powers, I cannot leap tall buildings in a single bound (I can't even hop from a boat to a dock without getting wet, sheesh!), ...and I cannot control the Universe. There, I feel much better now. I give up, and I am not going to keep trying anymore! I'm getting out of my own way. I submit. Tap, tap, tap!
What has brought me to this "lightbulb moment", you ask? Well, tomorrow my son, my only child, will be graduating from high school. There has been a large part of me that has been in denial of this since, oh, the first day of school this fall that this was indeed his Senior year. This was it. In true dysfunctional fashion, I have been in total denial that this was coming about, that it would be here so quickly, that time was NOT on my side, and God, the Universe, the Holy Trinity, has given me the spiritual equivalent of a smackdown! Hoo boy, did it hurt!
You see, all of the "bad luck" that has been occurring in my life has been a side effect of my denial. I realized this today, and it didn't cost me a dime or any time on the therapist's couch. I have been so wrapped up in thinking that this was going to take place later, that I realized that nope, tomorrow is it! No more school supplies to buy, no more backpacks to buy or forget in the morning rush, no more books to lug around, no more fingerpaintings of turkeys at Thanksgiving or metal geometric shapes welded together from shop class.
No more field trip fees! No more permission slips or medical emergency cards to fill out! Hey, I'm seeing the good side of this now! He, he!
All joking aside, I guess I have been stressing myself out and working myself into a stroke because I didn't want it to be over...not yet. When I put him on the bus that first day of Kindergarten, I was wiping the tears from my cheeks as the bus rounded the corner and looked across the streets to the other mothers in the neighborhood doing the same thing, then we all turned and went home. At least we knew we weren't alone. Now, my son is a grown man, who is driving, shaving, holding down a job, and I cannot believe that he is who he is, but mostly, I cannot believe he came from me!
I have a biased opinion, I know. But he is the kind of person I am proud and honored to know. Truly, I am. And I will be sitting in that fieldhouse, crying my eyes out and I am sure I will look around and see the other mothers from the neighborhood and we will nod and acknowledge each other and one of us will smile and the others will smile back as if to say, "Here we are again! Wasn't it just yesterday we put them on the bus for Kindergarten? Where did the time go?"
My son is taking the summer for himself, to have some fun with his friends, to work and save up some money. He is planning to enlist in the Navy and leave in the fall for boot camp. He's not doing it "just for the money" for college. I asked him if I hit the lottery if he would just take the money and go to college and he said, "No. I would still enlist in the Navy. I want to see the world." Fair enough. I totally support him on that. I'm still scared for him, our world is at war and there is a part of me that prays he never has to fulfill his duty as a soldier and kill someone or be killed or wounded himself, but if that is where his heart lies, I will be there to support him. So, when he takes that journey this fall, I will have a whole new set of worries, but I know my son will be taking the path that is right for HIM, not the path I think is right for him. And that right there tells me that we raised a fine, young man. And I am grateful to all of those who helped me make that possible. In a way, we are all graduating too. Congratulations!