"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."— Epicurus
The quote above I got from my friend and fellow writer, Sandy Lender. It was on her blog this morning, http://www.todaythedragonwins.blogspot.com/, and it really clarified for me all the things I have been going through this week.
As all of you know, I have been studying the Law of Attraction and how it works and trying to apply it in my life. It all started with the DVD, "The Secret", a film that has several spiritual teachers telling you how to change your thinking and change your life. It is highly recommended, but it doesn't seem to go far enough in explaining how the Law works and what you specifically need to do to make it work in your life. So, my research for a book I'm working on, has led me to several of the "teachers" and their websites, products, etc., like Joe Vitale, Bob Proctor, and Mike Dooley.
Beth Ann Erickson, my fellow writing friend, mentor/coach, and publisher of Filbert Publishing, informed me that there was a movie made with Jerry and Esther Hicks that was called "The Secret" and produced by Rhonda Byrne. The version I have is the 2nd one. What happened that the first version was redone, why Jerry and Esther were taken out, etc. I have no idea. I would love to see it and compare the two and have not been able to find it. But I always remembered her telling me that the whole Law of Attraction thing started with the Hickses.
So, in my research, I purchased a book by Jerry and Esther called "Money and the Law of Attraction: Learning how to attract Wealth, Health, and Happiness". I started reading it a few days ago, and included was a CD of one of the workshops they held in 2007. I listened to it and read most of the book and it has been very clear what the Law of Attraction is, what it does, how it works, and how to change your life for the better. It clarified for me all the things I needed to know.
Why does this matter and why should you care? Well, I believe that knowledge is power and that we all have the ability to change our lives for the better, regardless of the circumstances. Yes, we human beings have a HUGE control issue. We can't control the weather, the government agencies that wreak havoc on our lives and our stock market, what other people are going to say or do, or who will end up winning an election (we can vote, but we have no control over the results once we have done our part. That's my point.) I believe that if I have this knowledge and it is helpful to you, then to not share it would go against every fiber of my being. I'm a helper. Always have been, always will be. It's who I am.
This week was especially challenging. Without going into too much detail, I had a meltdown at work. I am one of those people who feel great stress and just pile it on until I finally collapse. Not healthy, not productive and really embarrassing when you burst into tears, especially when you can't verbalize what is wrong, why you are crying and how you feel. Unfortunately, I was on the phone during my break with QH to see how things were going. He asked me a few questions and in my overwrought state, it sounded in my head like he was interrogating me. He wasn't. What he asked and what it sounded like in my head were two different things. Not his fault at all.
Let me back up. That particular day, I woke up late, had to go do my errands which amounted to me running around in the car all day with my nephew. I barely had time to feed him, eat something myself, and then rush off to work. I was tired, frazzled, had a killer headache from lack of food and caffeine, and had a ton of stress and worry piled on top. So, he could have said, "Do you think it's going to rain?" and I would have burst into tears. I was just at that point. I also felt that I had accomplished NOTHING that day, but when I wrote it all down, I realized I had actually done quite a bit. But I was focusing on what I DIDN'T GET DONE.
He felt bad for making me cry. I felt bad because I made him feel bad. He didn't know what the hell to think and frankly, neither did I. I just had to cry it out. And I had some explaining to do. I wrote it all out in a 13 page document that I gave to him spelling out everything and that it wasn't him, it was me.
The questions he asked me had to do with my writing sites and in my female DNA, I assumed that he just knew and why do I have to tell you, you should have already read my mind!! Yes, I am a woman and I admitted I was wrong for expecting him to be a mind reader.
I'm sure the feminists will send me hate email.
Bring it on.
I did some reading when I got home and there was a part in that book and on the CD that Esther says, "If you keep telling the same story, over and over and over again, you're going to keep attracting those same things. If you want to change your life, you have to change your story." (I'm paraphrasing, but that was the gist of what I got out of it.)
I decided that, yes, this has been the problem. When I was lonely and wanted someone to share my life with, I was ready to change my life. I wanted someone who would make me laugh, who would love me and my son, and vice versa. I wanted someone responsible, who had a job, who would be there for all the things good, bad and ugly and not hide in a bottle when the crap hit the fan. Age was not a preference.(He's older). Looks were not a preference.(He is the most handsome man I have ever met). I then declared what I wanted and could you make it soon, please? Two weeks later, I met the Love of my Life and the rest is history, as they say.
So, what did I do then that I have such a hard time doing now? Why can't I manifest the things I want like I did 14 years ago? What am I doing wrong?
Back then, I changed my story. I decided I didn't want my life to be the way "it is", I wanted it be what I wanted it "to be". And I surrendered the "how" it would come into my life. I left that up to God. I let it go. I also felt it in my heart and soul that even if it didn't happen, I would be ok. I would live my life to the fullest anyway and be the best person, mother, writer I could be. But I felt good at the time when I was asking. I wasn't asking out of desperation or some neurotic fear of becoming an old maid. I think that was the key.
So, I'm changing my story. I don't want things to stay the way they are,... well, I want to keep all the good things: QH, my son, my writing career, my family and friends, etc. But I want to change drastically what is coming into my life. I want more freedom. I want both of us to have financial freedom. I want to be able to go places and see things and do things and not worry about money. I want more money put away for retirement, for Alex's future and just for a rainy day. And I want more than anything to have fun and share that with QH, the rest of our lives.
I want to live happily ever after. :)
I still have a few things I need to add in there, and QH needs to put his input in for the things we want together, but since I'm a writer, I think I have a good jump on imagining my life to be better. And since life is a work in progress anyway, the story will change as my feelings change.
And in this season of change, I think it's more than appropriate that I start this process now. The colors this year have been spectacular, as the photo above is evidence. I love this time of year. I love the fall colors, the pumpkins, Halloween, the nip in the air, and the bugs going away most of all. There is just that feeling I get in the fall I feel in my deepest core and I can't explain it any better than that, but it moves me.
So, think about it. What do you want to change in your story?
Comment below and let me know.
And enjoy the colors while you can.