Friday, March 19, 2010
New Job, New Schedule, New Outlook, Part 2
This has been a really crazy week.
Monday I got a call from my temp service that the company I was raving about working for had cancelled me.
I felt like someone hit me right in the gut.
No further explanation, just that's it, we're done with you.
As I was attempting to process this news, and fighting back the tears in the meantime, she tells me, "There's a job available at 6:00 am to 6:00 pm tomorrow at XYZ Company, if you can make it there, I'll call them and tell them to expect you. It will be Tuesday, Wednesday and then Thursday from 6:00 am to 12:00 pm (noon). Can you give me an answer before 6:00 pm tonight?"
I thought at first that I should ask the Hubby if he thought I should take it, and then I said, "Sure, I'll be there." He was on a motorcycle ride, and I figured bad news/good news could wait until he got back.
I didn't know what to do or what to think, but then I realized, this is what life is like as a temporary worker. You have no idea from one day to the next if you are going to be working or not working. Who am I kidding? Even permanent workers don't know from one day to the next if they will be working or not in this "new economy." What the hell makes me exempt? Not a damn thing.
Hubby was not happy to hear I lost a job, or knowing the drive was about 45 minutes to an hour for the "new job" and it would pay a dollar an hour less than what I was making at ABC Company, well, at this point, you can't turn anything down. We went for a drive in the Pink Ride and I cried a bit as we drove through the Refuge. I was already attached to the people I worked with and I was mourning the loss of them as much as the job itself.
I do know this much: I am happier working than not working. I feel my life, the planets and my whole Universe came into alignment once I realized I work, therefore I am, and accepted I need a job to structure my life.
My good friend, Beth Erickson said it best when I talked to her Monday, before I knew my Universe was going to shift once again, when she said, "It's different now that you're not running from a job you hate."
That's exactly what I've been doing. I've been trying so hard to make the writing career work, or find any way to make money so I could be "ok" with not working a traditional job. I didn't realize I was doing it so I didn't have to work at my old job and it became more like hell on Earth with each passing day. It wasn't so much the job, like I've said before, it was the ENVIRONMENT.
My friend, Wendy, who works at XYZ Company and worked at ABC Company as a temporary worker, asked me, "Now, that you've worked at 3 different companies, which one do you like best?"
I couldn't argue with her, and this will blow your hair straight out, but the XYZ Company was Best out of all 3! Yes, the one where I drive farther (mostly back roads, lots of horse farms, trees, rivers, streams, a nice big lake, etc.), and I make less money than my old job, or even the one I had at ABC Company! Go figure.
I've realized this, and I told Beth this on the phone before the "bad news", that it's not about the money. It's not even the job. It's just feeling like I need to contribute in some way, no matter how small.
I'm grateful to be able to work, physically, and mentally it does a lot more for me than I realized. But even if I never hit the bestseller list, even if I never win a Pulitzer, I'm still a writer. I still want to touch people with the words I put on the screen, on my blogs, or in my notebooks. I want to write books and e-books, and teach writing to those who want to learn. I want to give seminars and workshops. Even if I don't make a penny off of it, it will be worth it to me if someone says they learned something or it helped them come out of the "closet" and be brave enough to write in the light of day.
And all of this would not be possible if it weren't for two very special people in my life. One is the Hubby, who I met fifteen (15) years ago today at Bob and Kathy's house, standing in the kitchen, with a Bayfront Bluesfest T-shirt and I felt like my knees gave out from under me. After 15 years, I still get that feeling when I realize how lucky I am to have that man in my life.
And the other person, is my son Alex, who came into my life whether I was ready or not and taught me I was stronger than I realized. Both have restored my faith in love and the belief that love really does conquer all and will never die.
As I look ahead, I know I can't count on this "new job," but I'll take what I can get and this place is wonderful, even better than the job I raved about before. I think it's funny how one minute you get the worst news, and the next day, you realize it truly was a blessing and it was how things were supposed to work out, not the way you wanted or expecte them to work out.
On Wednesday, my granddaughter, Ava, celebrated her first birthday. She is so much different than she was a year ago. It's so amazing the changes we all go through in each stage of our lives but the first two years are so full of change, you just have to go with it. Best advice I can give new parents: Adapt to the baby's schedule, don't try to make the baby adapt to yours. You'll deal with things a lot better if you realize it coming right out of the gate.
Good lesson to follow at any age: Go with the flow. Stop stressing out.
Take it day by day. It's all you can do.