This Is A Test

Once a month we are all subjected to a loud, annoying noise coming from the television or the radio and we are told, "This is a Test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This is only a Test."

If only we are warned about such things in real life. These days the imagined problems and the worries seem to be a lot worse in our minds than what is truly going on in the present moment.

I want to put a stop to that.

I'm not saying we go the other way down the river of Total Denial, but to imagine the situation you are in is worse than what it really is? Well, you have to ask yourself why on Earth you would make things even harder than they are?

It's human nature. We're all guilty of going to the negative end of the river, to swim upstream and make things harder on ourselves. I've been doing that for months, thinking the more I bitched and complained and worked at being a victim of circumstance, then God or the Universe would then feel sorry for me as much as I was feeling sorry for myself and "Poof" all would fall into place and the world would continue to turn. And then we would live happily ever after.

Bullshit.

The main reason I am not where I want to be is I haven't been DOING ANYTHING! My fears have manifested all sorts of horrible scenarios to the point that I've been paralyzed by that fear to take any kind of action whatsoever. Here's just a sample of what's been going through my head:

*I'm too old.
*There's too much competition for a job, for writing work, for money, for business, etc.
*I'm too fat.
*I don't have the education, the resources, etc.
*I don't have enough money
*I'm too tired.

And that's just in the first 5 minutes.

The last few weeks, with Christmas coming, and everyone around me in a bad spot financially, it's hard to be optimistic. I keep praying and believing things HAVE TO GET BETTER. But when it's your world that's crumbling, the last thing you feel like doing is putting on a "happy face."

I do it anyway.

I try to find something to laugh at once a day. I try to list the things I'm totally grateful for, my health, my family, my friends, the roof over my head, the electricity that runs my computer and my lights, and the groceries in the fridge. I do know, only too well, that things can be much worse in a short amount of time and to just stop whining and be grateful helps a lot.

But what works for me the most, is imagining how much better things will be once we're all past this. Visualization has been used by successful millionaires, athletes, and inventors to see the future, to feel the future, and to ask for nothing less than the very best, because they usually get it. No playing the "I really don't deserve it," card, but instead, "Of course I should have that, I Deserve It!" card. It's a lot more fun swimming downstream. And it's all imaginary. No harm, no foul.

After all, this is only a test.

The funny part of all of this, is I've been job hunting since I was laid off in June. I've gone on interviews, been told by several employers that I have what they are looking for, and then when I ask, "When do I go to work?" All of them have told me they will call. The phone's been ringing, but not from them calling me.

I was ready to give up the writing career, again, just get a job and do it as a hobby. Let it go, as painful it would have been. Now I get the feeling God or the Universe is telling me, "Not yet." Maybe that's why I can land a job, but they don't want me to actually work for them. It would be nice to get paid for it, though.

So, I'm going to take it as a message, loud and clear, don't give up the writing just yet. Things are going to work out better than fine after all.

Sunday, August 17, 2008-Going Home

Morning came way too soon. We ended up at Flanagan's again for the breakfast buffet. It was terrific, and we left to go get things squared away at the hotel. One of the most important things, was the List. Alex was now allowed to have his cell phone, his MP3 player and other things, so there was a list to be followed when I got home.

I had charged my phone up and Alex was able to call my sister and my brother and talk to them. He talked to Travis and my nephew, Cannon, who is 2 years old, and was full of stories. After all the phone calls, I had about 10 minutes of time left on my phone, but that was ok.

We packed up all of our stuff, minus a Cool Whip container lid that suddenly disappeared while we were packing (and hasn't been found since). Alex wanted to get back to his base and get situated with his new environment. We parked and walked on the base after passing security, of course, and made our way to the USO on base. I didn't know there were places for enlisted men and women like this on the base!

It had nearly everything! Books, music room, arcade and game room, prayer room, and an eating area where they were serving up baked goods, drinks, and the flat screen television was playing "A Night at the Museum". There were brochures of events and attractions in the Chicago area, and information on anything and everything you might want to see or do while you are there. What a wonderful place. Kudos to those who are in charge of keeping this place operating for our enlisted men and women, in Great Lakes and in bases all over the world.

We then decided it was time to go. Alex walked us to the checkpoint, and we hugged him goodbye. I was fighting the tears all the way to the car. I didn't even cry until we got home, which I thought was pretty good. For me anyway.

One of the first missions I had when we got home, was gathering the list of things Alex could now have. I had them all in a box and in the mail on Monday, happy that soon I could hear from Alex anytime he wanted to call me. No more waiting for everyone to be "good" before he could call and tell me something. I could call and leave him messages, and once he got a computer, send him emails and pictures, too.

But the hardest thing I had to do, was leave him there, get in the car, and drive home without him. College Moms and Dads, my heart goes out to all of you.

By the way, how many days until Christmas??

It's a Wonderful Life, the Grinch & Charlie Brown

Christmas will be here soon, and I have taken out the Christmas DVDs. I have "It's a Wonderful Life," "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," and "A Charlie Brown Christmas." I started watching them right after I recovered from my Thanksgiving turkey hangover.

"It's a Wonderful Life" is one of my all time favorites. I cry my eyes out every time I watch it, even though I have seen it hundreds of times and I know how it's going to end. There is something magical about Jimmy Stewart, Donna Reed, and the direction of Frank Capra that makes you believe in family, faith, and angels named Clarence getting their wings. It makes me stop and realize that one person does make a difference and touches so many other people, even though they might not think they are anything special, or that they have done anything spectacular in their lives. Lessons that I can carry with me throughout the year.

"How the Grinch Stole Christmas" is one of my favorites, the animated version. I thought the live action version with Jim Carrey was good, but there is something about the voice of Boris Karloff as the narrator and the Grinch, and the animation of Chuck Jones that brings me back to when I was little and watched it on television. Same with "A Charlie Brown Christmas". The speech Linus gives at the end with the children singing at the end, still makes my eyes water, but it shows how the meaning of Christmas can get lost in all of the commericalism.

So, sit with your kids, your friends and family and watch a little bit of Christmas tradition. And don't forget the tissues!