Sunday, December 06, 2009

This Is A Test

Once a month we are all subjected to a loud, annoying noise coming from the television or the radio and we are told, "This is a Test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This is only a Test."

If only we are warned about such things in real life. These days the imagined problems and the worries seem to be a lot worse in our minds than what is truly going on in the present moment.

I want to put a stop to that.

I'm not saying we go the other way down the river of Total Denial, but to imagine the situation you are in is worse than what it really is? Well, you have to ask yourself why on Earth you would make things even harder than they are?

It's human nature. We're all guilty of going to the negative end of the river, to swim upstream and make things harder on ourselves. I've been doing that for months, thinking the more I bitched and complained and worked at being a victim of circumstance, then God or the Universe would then feel sorry for me as much as I was feeling sorry for myself and "Poof" all would fall into place and the world would continue to turn. And then we would live happily ever after.


The main reason I am not where I want to be is I haven't been DOING ANYTHING! My fears have manifested all sorts of horrible scenarios to the point that I've been paralyzed by that fear to take any kind of action whatsoever. Here's just a sample of what's been going through my head:

*I'm too old.
*There's too much competition for a job, for writing work, for money, for business, etc.
*I'm too fat.
*I don't have the education, the resources, etc.
*I don't have enough money
*I'm too tired.

And that's just in the first 5 minutes.

The last few weeks, with Christmas coming, and everyone around me in a bad spot financially, it's hard to be optimistic. I keep praying and believing things HAVE TO GET BETTER. But when it's your world that's crumbling, the last thing you feel like doing is putting on a "happy face."

I do it anyway.

I try to find something to laugh at once a day. I try to list the things I'm totally grateful for, my health, my family, my friends, the roof over my head, the electricity that runs my computer and my lights, and the groceries in the fridge. I do know, only too well, that things can be much worse in a short amount of time and to just stop whining and be grateful helps a lot.

But what works for me the most, is imagining how much better things will be once we're all past this. Visualization has been used by successful millionaires, athletes, and inventors to see the future, to feel the future, and to ask for nothing less than the very best, because they usually get it. No playing the "I really don't deserve it," card, but instead, "Of course I should have that, I Deserve It!" card. It's a lot more fun swimming downstream. And it's all imaginary. No harm, no foul.

After all, this is only a test.

The funny part of all of this, is I've been job hunting since I was laid off in June. I've gone on interviews, been told by several employers that I have what they are looking for, and then when I ask, "When do I go to work?" All of them have told me they will call. The phone's been ringing, but not from them calling me.

I was ready to give up the writing career, again, just get a job and do it as a hobby. Let it go, as painful it would have been. Now I get the feeling God or the Universe is telling me, "Not yet." Maybe that's why I can land a job, but they don't want me to actually work for them. It would be nice to get paid for it, though.

So, I'm going to take it as a message, loud and clear, don't give up the writing just yet. Things are going to work out better than fine after all.


Kim Smith said...

Shout, don't whisper. If you want it, claim it. Say it is yours,shout it out, then make it so. Don't let negativism rule your world.

I am pulling for you!

Cheryl said...

We all have the power to make our dreams come true. It's the persistence that's lacking.

There are days that I swear I should just get a job working outside the house too; forget about the book tous and the writing career and just do the whole 9 to 5 thing. But overall I am happy with the direction my life is taking, even if I am a pessimist.

Keep the faith Laura!


Laura M. Crawford said...

Kim and Cheryl, thanks so much. I really, really needed to hear that right now. I've been so conflicted, and with the economy, my losing my job and everything, I was beginning to think I was on the wrong path.I'm feeling much better about it now, and feel that I'm on the right path, just need to take a right turn to move forward. With friends like you, and the love and support of my dear hubby and my son, I feel much better about my future as a writer.

Thanks so much. :)

Laura ;)