Cranberry Bliss Bars

For Natalie Kimball and Patrice Milless and anyone else who wants my recipe.

I modified this to my taste but you can make it how you like it. I made these for Easton's Baptism yesterday and everyone wanted the recipe. So, this is the easiest way I can do it. Just let me know if you have any questions. :)

Laura's Cranberry Bliss Bars

BARS:

1 cup butter (2 sticks, very soft)

2/3 cup brown sugar

1/3 cup granulated sugar

3 large eggs

2 cups flour

1 ½ tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. ground ginger

¾ cup craisins (dried cranberries)

¾ cup white chocolate chips

½ tsp. orange extract

½ tsp. vanilla extract

FROSTING:

1 pkg. cream cheese, softened

2 Tblsp. Butter, softened

3 cups powdered sugar

½ tsp. orange extract

½ tsp. vanilla extract

TOPPING:

½ cup craisins

½ cup white chocolate chips

½ tsp canola oil

1/3 cup white chocolate chips

DIRECTIONS:

1.       Preheat the oven to 350 degrees (325 for a dark or glass pan). Grease & flour pan (I use a 9x13 inch cake pan). 

2.       BARS: with an electric mixer, beat softened butter and sugars, 3-5 mins until light. Gently blend in the eggs and extracts. Add the flour, baking powder, and ginger and beat briefly. Add the cranberries and chips, just until they are incorporated. 

3.       Spread the batter in the prepared pan. Bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes until light brown at the edges and a skewer or toothpick comes out clean. Don’t over bake or bars will be dry. Once done, cook on a baking rack. 

4.       FROSTING: Blend cream cheese and butter until fluffy. Add the extracts and confectioners sugar one cup at a time until smooth. If it is too thick to spread, add a tablespoon of milk. Make sure bars are completely cooled before frosting or the frosting will sink into the bars. 

5.       GARNISH: Chop up craisins and sprinkle over frosting with ½ cup of chips. You can add freshly grated orange zest, if you want. I find the orange flavor overrides the rest of the flavors. 

6.       DRIZZLE: Mix 1/3 cup chips with canola oil and microwave 1 minute, stirring every 15 seconds until completely melted. Use a spoon or fork to drizzle white chocolate on top of bars diagonally. Make sure bars set for 1 hour for white chocolate to set up before cutting into bars. 

7.       Enjoy! :)

Tax Time

I just did my taxes. Now, I'm depressed.

For the first time, I actually owe money for my federal taxes. It's only about $200.00 but still, I can't believe I have to pay in.

I work two jobs. When I am working both of them, I put in 12 to 14 hour days. Right now, I have it set up so I have at least one day off (Sundays) from both jobs, so that means I work 6 days a week.

What do I have to show for it? Not much. I have some savings, but the money I make is to pay for the electricity, the phone, groceries, and any of the odds and ends of just living can bring. I need to save more, but it seems when I get some money saved up, something happens and I end up using my savings and starting from zero again.

I need more "passive income." That lovely way of making money at home without having to punch a clock. There are many ways I can do that, but I have to figure out how to work it in to my schedule.

Writing is the only thing I can do right now. I love to do it, I love having everyone read my articles. I just have to find a way to get paid for it.

Maybe I can make enough to pay my taxes. :)

Just a few thoughts on a lovely Sunday afternoon. 

Any ideas, please post in the comments below. 

For My Mother

Today is my mother's birthday. I stopped over to her house after work to give her a card and some of her favorite danish (yes, I cheated a bit on the diet, but it was her birthday, after all).

We had coffee, talked, got caught up on the recent stuff and then had a bit of fried steak with her and my Dad and then left.

I wanted to share this because I am learning to feel grateful about all the people I have in my life that I care about. One of them, is of course my mother.

There are times when I love her so much it hurts. There are times she drives me nuts, and I'm sure I drive her nuts, too. Tree to Apple, I am my mother's daughter, some ways I don't want to admit, but I am.

I am grateful I still have my mother in my life. Always, even on the days when she and push the buttons on each other and get so frustrated at each other we could pull out our own hair in utter exasperation. But I am able to visit my Mom at her home, she is still in great health. She beat breast cancer and so far so good, it has not dared to come back. She raised me, my sister and my brother. She is a fabulous grandmother and she has aged beautifully through all the good times, the bad times and the sad times.

My birthday wish for my mother is for her to be happy. I want her to laugh more, to do more things for her own good as well as the good of the family. She needs to start living HER life, not living her life for everyone else. I want her to not ever have any regrets about what could have been instead of what was.

Happy Birthday, Mavis. I love you to the moon and back.

Happy New Year 2013!

It's been a year since I last posted.

Hard to believe but I have been really busy. Too busy to do much of anything except work 2 jobs and sleep. Just ask my honey. He doesn't see much of me anymore. I feel a lot like a passing ship when it comes to him. I am hoping to change that in 2013 by getting a job that will allow me to have more time, more freedom and make more money to make all of those things possible.

I was happy to let 2012 go. It was a really tough year. I lost a lot of people I cared and loved in 2012.

My grandmother, Ellen Crawford, passed in the spring after being in hospital.

Then my cousin Bobby Alcorn was killed in a motorcycle accident at the age of 24 in June.

A few months later, my Uncle Keith Ashford died after being in the hospital for complications of a stroke. I miss them all.

Work consisted of me going from one job to the other with no time in between and barely any time off. I did take a week's vacation in September and went camping with my honey. Fishing wasn't the greatest but the weather was awesome and we both needed the time off.

We were blessed with another grandbaby in 2012. Easton Michael Milless was born on November 20, 2012. He is a handsome little boy and his sisters, Ava and Lilly are doing well. 

Right now, I am writing this on my first day off of 2013. My last full day off was the day after Christmas. My best present (other than the new tires I needed for my car I got from my honey) was my son, Alex, and his girlfriend, Ali, coming home to surprise us. Andy came home from Iowa and was able to spend Christmas with us, too, which was great.

The book we published in my last post sold a few copies, but we didn't make a fortune off of it. I did learn a lot from the experience of publishing it and plan to have a few other books added to the list to sell this year. I did get a new Kindle from my son for Christmas, which is awesome. I love being able to just read and have all those books on one little device. It's like holding a library in your hands.

I do love old fashioned books because I don't have to recharge them and can take them anywhere.

I know a lot of people are making resolutions. I have decided to embrace the idea of making commitments for 2013. I have listed them here:

Commitments for 2013

1. Give more time, love, energy, and prosperity to my honey in 2013. (Spoil him rotten!)

2. Be grateful and appreciative of each and every day I'm above ground.

3. Take my honey to Alaska to go fishing.

4. Publish my writing.

5. Lose 50 pounds or more.

6.  Make $25 an hour or more at one job.

7. Spend more quality time with my family, especially the kids and the grandkids.

I hope everyone has a fabulous 2013. I will be posting again very soon, well before 2014. :)

Skippy and the Blueberry Pacakes

Happy New Year!

This year we started the new year off with completing a project we have been working on for close to a year. Last year we found a small black dog in the coldest part of the winter. We took him in and he stayed with us for three days as we tried to find his family. We thought he was from our neighborhood, but he was actually from the other side of town. We talked about writing a children's book about this little dog's adventures and publishing it.

I am happy to announce we have made that dream a reality. On January 2, 2012, we published the Kindle version of "Skippy and the Blueberry Pancakes." It is available on Amazon.com. Just click here to find it: Skippy and the Blueberry Pancakes. 

It's for sale for $0.99 for the Kindle version and we hope to have a print edition in the near future. We may not make Stephen King money, but the fact we have realized our dream is priceless.

If I can impart any advice for the coming year, whether the world ends (again), or not, is to just do what you can do to move forward toward your dream. I am amazed at how kind and supportive people are when they realize that you are doing what you love and while it make not make you rich financially, it will enrich you personally with the experience.

Until next time, keep moving forward and please be kind.

The Last Call

Tonight at work, job number 2, I got a very interesting call.

The gentleman who called was looking for an article that had been published in the paper earlier in the week. I said I would try to help him find it and I did. The conversation then turned to articles and writing and he asked me if I was a writer then what was I doing answering phones for the paper when I should be writing for them, or basically something to that effect.

As Jason DeRusha would say, "Good Question."

Then he asked if I really liked what I was doing and I said, "I love this job. I get to talk to really cool people and yes, there are those who complain, but they usually have a right to complain and I don't take it personally." He asked where I was a writer at and my stock answer was I wrote for my local paper.

He asked if I was making any money off of it and I said, "No, I don't get paid to do it, it's more of a nice way to feed my ego." Then the conversation took a turn.

"When you start believing you are good enough to make money at what you really love doing and are brave enough to take the risk, the money will follow."

I forwarded him the link, thanked him for the conversation and I logged off and went home.

On the way home, I couldn't help thinking about what this random stranger told me over the phone. I have been debating, like I always do, of whether I should just give up this writing dream and just make as much money as I can doing "real work" and just save up and do the writing when I retire, if I ever make it to retirement. I have been thinking of this quite a bit over the last few weeks, looking for some answer to my dilemma and hoping something would speak to me and clarify what I need to do.

I got the answer I wanted.

Through the last call of the night from a random stranger.

Thank you. I know what I have to do. And more importantly, I have to do now, not when I retire and not one day later. I have to take the risk and see what happens.

When I got home, the conversation I had with the love of my life, doubly clarified it for me. Ok. I got the messages, loud and clear.

Thanks again. And I'll keep you all updated with what happens next. 

The Gift of A Day Off

I know it's been a long time since I last posted.

Since my last post, I have been laid off from my job as a customer service representative for a lawn care company because the season ended. I will be going back in the spring and have taken on working two part-time jobs.

One job is at Target and I work from 4:30 am or 5:30 am to 9:00 am or 10 am or longer, doing logistics, which is unloading freight from the truck and stocking the shelves. My second job is as a customer service representative at a call center for the StarTribune. I love both jobs and love the fact I am not sitting around the house. Since working at Target, I've lost over 20 pounds. My clothes fit better, my sleeping is better (since I have to go to bed earlier), and I get paid to have a very intense workout lifting and walking and bending. I also am home by 6:00 pm which gives me more time to see my honey everyday, even if I have to work at both places on the same day.

I've been working almost everyday at one job or the other since late October, and today was my first day off from both jobs in weeks. I am very grateful for this time and spent it the way I wanted to, with no errands or driving around all over town, or working on a lot of stuff around the house. I was tempted to go nuts and clean and work on stuff around the house, but on the other hand, I wanted to just relax, to rest, to take stock and breathe a little bit. It's been such a crazy time, I haven't allowed myself any time off to just do that.

Today, I slept in as late as I wanted, did some laundry, the dishes and watched my favorite shows in the afternoon: Rachel Ray, The Doctors, The Dr. Oz Show, and Jeopardy. I also caught up on Facebook and on my emails. I even made out my To Do List for the next couple of weeks and also my grocery list for the next week. I will be finishing my NaNoWriMo novel for this year, and posting my word count once I have it verified, and will probably start working on a few ideas for some articles. I haven't allowed myself much time for my writing either. I realized how much I missed it until today. And how much I missed the time to just do what you want to do. It's very precious. Don't waste it.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and I will post again soon. Take care.

I Still Have a Dream...

I came to work on Monday and there seemed to be different kind of energy as I walked in the door. Then as I stepped inside, I heard, "Was it you, Laura? Did you win?" I had to think about it for a moment, and then I realized my co-workers were asking if I had won the Powerball Jackpot.


The answer: NOT YET! :) However, there was a retired couple who won from Dakota County, and after watching the report on the news tonight on WCCO,  I am happy it was them. They both reminded me of my parents, they are both salt of the earth people, people who have worked hard all their lives and were trying like so many of us to figure out if they would ever be able to afford to ever retire. Now they don't have to worry about that. I wish them many, many blessings and I hope they enjoy their retirement in style along with the rest of their family.

As for me, I bought my tickets, playing the same numbers, so am I still dreaming? Yes. Am I going to win? Yes.

I Had A Dream...

Yes, that is a million dollar bill. What in the world am I thinking putting it up on my blog? What gives?

Well, a few months ago, I had a dream. I dreamt I was at the official lottery drawing, like you see on TV where they pull the balls out and put them up and for the first time in my whole life, I saw all the numbers be drawn one by one. I thought, "I'll never remember them." But I did, when I woke up from that dream, I remembered every single number, and I wrote them down and I have been playing them ever since. Just those numbers. Not any other. In both lotteries, the Powerball and the MegaMillions. If I'm going to win, I want to win big! I have a lot of family to take care of, and a lot of friends who will need some help. Not to mention, I would love to help the veterans in our country and their families.

I heard about a family recently who won the lottery more than once. It got me to thinking. I would love to be the first one to win both jackpots one after the other. The Mega Millions is drawn tomorrow night and the Powerball is drawn on Saturday.

What would you do if you won the lottery? How much would you spend and how much would you put away? Who would you help? Think about it. In the meantime, remember, money is just colored paper. The only value it holds is the value we place upon it. The things that are worth more are worth having, and most of them are free.

Have a great weekend, and Good Luck! :)

Goodbye July, Hello August!

July 10, 2011, a thunderstorm rocked Lake Mille Lacs where our boat was docked at Hunter Winfield's Resort. Winds over 60 mph and lake swells caused our boat pictured above to break loose and end up crashing on the rocks on the lakeshore. What you don't see is the three foot wide hole in the bottom of the boat. What amazed me when I took the pictures the next day was that nobody was hurt or killed.

The month of July has been long, hot, challenging and I am glad for the lessons learned (put more insurance on if you can), but I am glad that it is over. August brings a lot of changes. My son is home from Virginia where he worked for the last 3 weeks in the Navy Reserves, only to pack and leave for Fargo to his college orientation. He won't be home long and then he's off to college for good. At least he's not too far from home this time.

I spent today trying to write my children's book I've been working on and found myself getting very frustrated. It was like I forgot how to write. I've been guilty of letting other things get in the way of my writing time, like work & sleep, but it felt like you do when you come back to work from a long vacation. It takes you a few days to get back into the swing of things. I've been away from it for far too long. I am finding myself having a hard time communicating verbally and in my writing. The flow I had before just isn't there. I know I just have to make a point to just write everyday no matter what and it will be like swimming: once you learn how you never forget. :)

Have a great weekend and see you in August!

Time After Time

I used to love the Cindy Lauper version of this song, but tonight I am listening to the version sung by Eva Cassidy on the soundtrack for Smallville. It's a fitting song to listen to on your birthday.

For those of you who have no idea who Eva Cassidy is, she was a young, beautiful inspiring woman with a fabulous voice. Just when things seemed to be going right for her in life and in her singing career, she was diagnosed with melonoma. She died at age 33. But her legacy is she filled the remainder of her days with love, life and music. And she sang her heart out.

We never know how much time we have here on this planet. Yet we continue to take it all for granted. We'll start to do this when we have this amount of money or this kind of house or drive this kind of car. In the meantime, our talents are buried, wasting away, when we should be using them to make ourselves and the world better. I'm as guilty as everyone else. I have barely written a page or two in the last few weeks and I've been paying the price. I haven't been myself, nothing seems right and I feel out of sorts. I've also been crabby.

But I'm still here and made it to another birthday. I'm so very grateful for that, but most importantly, I'm so blessed to have QH and Alex in my life, to have Cannon & the girls, my parents, my sister and brother, and the rest of my family here with me. I am so blessed to have friends both old and young who were so nice and remembered my birthday on Facebook and also by phone. Thank you all. I had a great day. And most of all, thanks to my mother who 42 years ago brought me into this wonderful world.

I hope to make you all proud in the next year. :)

"If your lost you can look, and you will find me. Time after time. If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting. Time after time." ~Cyndi Lauper, "Time After Time"

Happy Mother's Day 2011!

Since I began my new job I haven't been able to post or write much. I was doing door to door sales, and now have moved into the front office to bring some much needed relief.

I liked doing the door to door, but I know I can be much more useful in the office, or at least I hope I can. We are doing this on a trial basis for now. But most of the ladies who are there are very nice and welcomed me in and once I learn all the stuff I hope to be able to work as fast and as well as they do.

So, here is another holiday I am writing a post about. Mother's Day.

This morning my son, Alex, made me pancakes for Mother's Day. QH bought me shocks, struts, brake pads and changed the oil in my car. He also bought me a cot for camping. I am the luckiest Mom in the world. 

I am very blessed to still have my mother alive and well, and she still makes me laugh and drives me crazy sometimes, and sometimes she doesn't understand me (and vice versa), I know I wouldn't know what to do if she was no longer here.

She is the reason I have no problem talking to people, because she has never met a stranger. She worked for a lot of years as a waitress and bartender, and has not just survived cancer, but thrived. She loves her grandsons very much and enjoys spoiling them and looks forward to the day when she will be spoiling granddaughters (Andy and Lisa, this is your cue!).

She loves birds, feeding the blue jays, the orioles, the finches and the chickadees and red winged black birds that flock around the back deck of her yard. She makes a really great salsa and the best pickles you will ever eat. In fact, she's the reason I can cook at all.

I see a lot of my Mom in myself, and I am very proud today and everyday to be her daughter.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom, and I hope you are as proud of me as I am of you.

Happy Mother's Day also, to my grandmother, Ellen Crawford, to my mother-in-law, Audrey Charlene Hathaway, and to all the moms, moms to be and to the military moms out there.
 ******************************************************************************
Special prayers to Aunt Mary, my great-aunt, who was like another grandmother to me. She may not be in this world much longer, but she will leave behind a legacy of kindness and unconditional love and a wonderful smile. She always remembered your birthday, sent two dollars with a card, and bought towels for you for Christmas that matched your bathroom even though you never told her what color it was. Please help me pray for her transition from this life to the next to be as painless as possible. Love you, Aunt Mary.

Happy Easter 2011!

First off, Happy Easter Everyone!

Today the weather is fabulous, the sun is out and shining with a few puffy clouds mixed in. The turkey is on the grill, and we will be going to my MIL's for dinner later this afternoon. It would be a great day to go for a ride in the 1956 Chevy, but sadly, the Pink Ride has gone to another home. We sold it yesterday to a nice man who was surprising his wife. I will miss the car shows and riding around in it, but things being what they are financially, it wasn't practical to keep it anymore. I had a good cry and I have a lot of great pictures and memories to look back on. It was a lot of fun while it lasted.

Spring is here and I'm looking forward to the flowers blooming, the grass growing and the time when I can sleep with the windows open at night. I'm also looking forward to my new job which starts Monday and learning new things. There is so much promise in the spring and at Easter, especially. It's the promise of a new chance at life, a rebirth,  and a resurrection. It's a season of hope. And we all need to remember that as cold and dark as the winter gets, the light and warmth of spring always follows.

Happy Easter and Welcome Spring!

Happy Birthday, Dad!

This picture is my son, Alex with my Mom (left) and my Dad (right). It was taken just before Alex left for the Navy.
 
Today is my Dad's birthday. It is a special day this year for many reasons.

For those of you who don't know the story, my father was diagnosed with Stage 3 colon cancer in September of 2010. He had surgery to remove the tumor from his colon which was starting to permeate the lining, meaning it would have only been a matter of time and it would have spread to his other organs. He came through surgery and then had to go through chemotherapy.

Tomorrow, April 13, 2011, is his last chemo treatment.

This year, I wanted to do something special. I usually get him a silly card that he doesn't read for a week or so, and tell him Happy Birthday, or get him something he really doens't want or need or it ends up collecting dust in the house somewhere. I decided since he has pretty much everything he could need or want, and since he has the gift of good health now, I would have to be a little creative.

What I am doing is donating ten percent (10%) of my income and sales, in my father's name, Tom Crawford, over the next 10 days (April 12-April 22)  to the "Get Your Rear In Gear" event sponsored by the Colon Cancer Coalition. My donation will go for my state, Minnesota. There is a 5K race being held on May 22, 2011. For more information, please go here:
http://www.getyourrearingear.com/events. 

Through my job, I am paid to show kitchen cutlery products by appointment only. If I sell anything, it is a bonus, but the prospective customer is not required to purchase. I have a great time presenting the product and meeting new people. If you are interested in scheduling an appointment with me, call me at (612) 859-3109.

If you would like to donate, please go to http://www.getyourrearingear.com and click on the "Donate" button.

Thanks and have a great weekend!

And Happy Birthday, Dad! :)

My New Job: Mother Hen

Last time I posted, I was saying how I had learned a lot of things from losing each one of my jobs, and how I wasn't going to just settle for a paycheck, right? I wanted to find a job that fit with my personality, that I felt a measure of success at and I wanted to help people.

Be careful what you wish for.

The last few weeks I have been sending out applications and resumes all over the place. I then received an email from an online job finding service listing all the places and positions I should look at based upon my resume. One of the positions was for Vector Marketing. Hmmm. Interesting. Should I see what this is about? Sure, what have I got to lose? I clicked on the link, filled out the online application and it said for me to call the number to set up an interview. Ok. I then decided to do it the next day.

I didn't. Instead, I received a phone call from them. What? I then put it off until it kept bugging me. I needed to find out what this was about, if it was a scam, then no harm done, keep looking for a job. They decided to schedule me for an interview on Wednesday. I went in for the interview, not expecting much. I then was shocked to find out it was a sales position.

I sold Avon years ago, so my idea of sales was less than positive. I didn't want to have a bunch of inventory lying around my house (believe it or not, I still have some Avon in my storage room that didn't sell). I wasn't going to have a house full of widgets or what-have-yous lying around my place and try to find someone to buy them.

But something would not let me say no to this. Suddenly, I was wanting this job really bad. I have bills to pay after all, and even if it didn't work out, I might learn something valuable. What the heck. So, as I sat in the waiting room to be called on or not, I felt myself feeling uneasy. Did they think I was a good match? I looked around the room. These were all college or high school students. I am twice their age, almost. My heart started to sink. I was too old. If this opportunity had come along 20 years ago, I would have totally been in. Now, forget it.

Then my name was called. Might as well get this over with. I walked in and sat down and she said, "We've decided to offer you a position."

Shut the front door! Are you kidding me? If it wouldn't have been totally inappropriate, I would have jumped over there and hugged her! (I did give her a Thank You card, handwritten). I was to start training the next day.

Training has been like boot camp for selling stuff. I have learned more about marketing, prospecting, confidence, attitude, recommendations, closing a sale, then I could have ever learned in a college classroom. I was nervous and scared and worried. I was afraid when they gave us our kit I would do something stupid, but with each appointment, it got progressively easier. Most of my family and friends thought it was really cool stuff (I sell CutCo knives), but they all said, "Um, not right now," or "We'd love to have it, but we have no money, " etc. Since the first 10 days are the most intense and they want you to sell and have the most appointments I wasn't sure what I was doing wrong. I had no sales on Saturday and Sunday wasn't looking good either, until I my second appointment.

Finally! I had a sale! It wasn't huge, but it was something. One of the best things about this job is checking in with my manager, Chris, who is encouraging and asks how things go, offering tips on what to do, etc.

And tonight on my final appointment, I was so excited after training to apply what I learned and to tell my friend, Kathy about this product and the opportunities. She looked at me as I was about to leave, "So, you really like this?"

"No, Kathy," I said, "I love this job!"

I am so grateful I have a job that I control, that doesn't control me. I am in a group of young people that inspires me to do more and to set a good example for. I told Chris, I felt like I was the Mother Hen of the team. Most of them are around my son's age, so I also wanted to know how everyone else was doing, checking up on my little chicks to make sure they are all ok and safe and warm.

Of all the jobs I have ever had in my whole life, other than babysitting, this has been the best job I have ever had in my life. I am very proud to be a member of my team and working for Vector Marketing.

If you are looking for a great job, have a great attitude and are over 17 years old, or are a college or high school student looking for scholarship money, please send me an email : alsmom27@yahoo.com,or call me at (612) 859-3109 for information.

Answers to Questions

In my last post, I ended with a few questions to answer. Here we go:

Question #1: What did I learn?

One of the biggest lessons I learned from losing all of these jobs is what I am willing to allow and not allow in order to make money working.

For example, I won’t work like a dog in volcanic heat. I can’t handle the heat. I ended up with heat exhaustion from a temp job in a thermoplastics factory last year. I decided for my health, making $9 an hour wasn’t worth me dying.

I won’t take less than what I’m worth. Most employment agency managers, in order to fill the job and get paid, will tell you, “This is what the job pays.” Whether you can feed your family or pay your bills is the real question. If you have experience, training, education, then don’t just settle for what “the job pays.” You will be miserable. It’s hard to go to work day in and day out where you feel like you are getting ripped off. Your time has a dollar value. Don’t sell yourself short. Do the math and figure out what your minimum pay should be and stick to it. Don’t settle for less just to collect a paycheck.

One of the most amazing things I learned and what happened when I decided for myself when I set my boundaries for what kind of job I would do and how much I wanted to be paid. I was patient, waited it out and found a job that paid MORE than my minimum pay. And while it was hot in the summer, I wasn’t melting each day I went to work.

Question #2: Are you !@#$% nuts? Why are you telling the whole world about this?

Am I nuts? Yes. I’m a woman, therefore, I am nuts to a certain degree. But the safe method of doing the traditional route of hunting for a job isn’t working for me anymore. I find the gap between jobs growing each time I do it. It’s time to try something else, something radical. I know what I want and what I don’t want. I’m moving forward within those parameters, and I’m keeping an open mind.

Another lesson I learned is you never know what is going to come along. Sometimes you just have to see how you feel about something.

For example, I have a degree as a paralegal. The market for paralegal jobs isn’t the greatest where I live and with gas prices being what they are, I can’t afford to commute to the Cities to work. Yes, there is the train, and the bus, but I don’t know if that will work for me. I’ve done the long commute before for a job that paid more and I never saw my family. I was tired all the time and depressed.

I’ve always thought about getting some kind of job working as a paralegal at home. I was watching “Criminal Minds” last night. One of my favorite characters on the show is Garcia. She is the computer guru who finds the baddies and doing Internet research to help the profilers with their cases. I’ve always thought if I had a job like that where I could work at home (or even just go to work doing it) I would be in Heaven.

Later on, I was surfing the Web and I read an article about how hard it is for those with a criminal record to get a job, because most employers are requiring a criminal background check be done before an interview is scheduled. Something in my tiny little brain went “ding, ding, ding” and the next thing I’m checking into how to become a background investigator. Turns out, there is a program you can do at home, to be certified and it’s accredited, accepted, and recognized in my home state. I can do this from home or start my own business. Wow.

This pairs two things I love: research and the law. I can help people. I can have contact with people daily fulfilling my social butterfly needs. I can do this to make money and still pursue my writing career! No commute. No need for gas in my car.

Win, win, win!

So there is an option that came out of the clear blue and would fit with my education and experience. I never would have considered it if I had not let my mind stay open. Open to the possibilities of what I know and I’m trained to do and find a job that fits my needs, not just my bank account.

Please understand. I know I need to make money to pay my bills. The sooner the better because I’m getting cabin fever, and I’m not saying I’m above working crappy jobs to provide for my family. I’ve proven that over the last year or so. I feel life is too short and it’s time I choose bliss as well as bucks.

Why am I telling the whole world about this?

Someone out there, maybe lots of people, are grieving for the jobs they lost, the lifestyle they used to have, but while it’s been painful, it’s for the best. We are all finding the importance of people over things. Experiences matter more than status symbols, and when those experiences are with the ones we love it’s worth a cut in pay or fewer billable hours.

Nobody on this Earth, if they have a heart, will ever say they wished they had spent more time at work instead of with the ones they love. We never know how much time we have and when we spend the majority of our time working to make a living, instead of making a life, our lives get out of balance and we don’t even realize it until something terrible happens.

I don’t want to wait for something terrible to happen. I want to work, but I want to do work that matters. I want to do work that helps people, provides a service, or helps them better themselves and still provide what I need for me and my family.

I don’t think that is too much to ask, do you?

And Now For Something...Different

I'm not a whiner. I'm not into the whole victim thing, you know, I get picked on or something happens and I feel wronged and cry in the corner while the big bullies laugh at me, until I end up punching someone in the mouth in the church parking lot...Oh, wait, that was Catholic school. Never mind. Fast forward.

Present day. Here I am, once again without a job.

Sigh. (Ok, that's technically a small whine, and it pairs well with cheddar).

I know, it sucks and I'm sure I'm not alone when I make that statement it's not just hard to GET a job, but it's even harder to KEEP one. I could probably find a few people who would say something about why I get let go: age, weight, too friendly, too aloof, too chatty, smile too much, bitchy sometimes, too slow, too fast, weight, age, blah, blah, blah. But when you ask WHY you were let go, you never get a satisfactory answer. They can't. It's against the law so they go the passive-aggressive route and say,

"It's just not working out,"

"The position you hold is no longer available,"

"We're not picking up your option,"

"We're going in a different direction"

"We're downsizing,"

"We're busy NOW, but..."

"It's not personal, it's just business," etc.

For a longer list of lame reasons, click here.

I'm starting to get a complex for crying out loud. You hear that line in your head, "It's not you, you're great. It's me. Can we still be friends?" and you wonder if this is real life or the finale of "The Bachelor" all over again.

I started running through the list of people I came in contact with to figure out who I offended, who I pissed off, and what I did in a previous life to keep losing job after job after job. You don't get a do-over if you screw up with some companies and if you are a temporary employee, then you are expendable anyway. You could just "look wrong" and they will find something, some reason, to get rid of you and not get sued. Which is why you get the above excuses.

So, to those I used to work with, if I offended, pissed off, enraged, chatted too much, smiled too much or if you just don't like fat, middle-aged women with a warped sense of humor and a positive attitude, and a killer recipe for oatmeal raisin cookies, fudge and salsa, then that's YOUR PROBLEM.

I am who I am and I'm not ashamed of who or what I am.

And what is wrong with communication?

Please. Tell me.

Most people run around typing what they want to tell someone on a small little computer keyboard in a short hand nobody but teenagers can understand instead of looking someone in the face.
Or, they actually dial a number on their "smart phones" and speaking to the other person.
We have all become so impersonal and desensitized to one another, that if you actually do something nice, like smile and ask someone how they are, they think you have an agenda.

I admit it.

I did have an agenda.

I really wanted to know how you were.
And I really was happy the sun came out and it was horrible what happened in Japan.

If you can't get to know people and talk to them and get them to talk to you, you can't do your job effectively, can you?

And if someone you are training asks (begs) for help, instruction, guidance, (a training manual) and you are in charge of training them, and act like a member of a really dysfunctional family and think "If I just keep quiet, they will stop asking about it, or distract them and keep them off the subject" or ignore their request completely (basically, setting them up to fail), then isn't that counter productive?
Training should not just stop after a few weeks. In some professions and jobs it is a continuing education. (I forgot to add, I asked too many questions.)

So, in light of this new information, I made a decision. Since I'm not making a consistent living as a temp in manufacturing, just to have a paycheck, then drastic times call for drastic (and fun) measures. 

Time to go for something completely different. Instead of getting all upset, angry, depressed, and feeling like I was the second lowest form of life on the planet, I am going to make this a different experience. I'm going to act like it's Christmas Eve and Santa is clomping those big, old black boots on my rooftop and fake it, until I make it. I'm going to make this a fun, positive, uplifting and life changing experience.

I still want to get a real print book in my hands before I collect social security (and I have a great idea from this whole experience, but nothing solid yet, still working it out).

I need a total career change.

I need a job makeover.

I need a plan.

Since it worked for me finding the love of my life, I'm going to find the work that I love that will provide for me and my family until I retire (or expire), whichever comes first.

Here's my wish list:

Laura's New Career Wish List 2011

1. Best selling published author (like NY Times Top 10), making Stephen King or James Patterson money.
2. Freelance copywriter/marketer making Bob Bly money
3. Professional Public Speaker, motivational, like Tony Robbins only not as loud. :) I have no fear of speaking in front of large crowds (Thanks, Mrs. Fliginger).
4. Work from home as a researcher, blog writer, marketer, book reviewer or movie reviewer and get paid Seth Godin money or Bob Bly money (I like Bob Bly).

6. Paralegal or Legal Secretary (I do have a degree, ladies and gentleman), for criminal or family law, $30,000 per year minimum.
7. Receptionist, or Administrative Assistant making more than $15 per hour.
8. Become a Pharmacy Technician and work at Walgreens so we can move to Florida. (Job security). 

Now. Take a deep breath and let it out.

I will be looking at this every day, planning how I'm going to make it happen, but most importantly (and those who got sucked in by "The Secret", this is the important part), I'm actually going to DO SOMETHING EVERYDAY TO MAKE IT TO MY GOALS!

Because while the lottery jackpot is up there, and I do have a few dollars left, I do know this: If you are playing with scared money, you're not gonna win. And that's not a sound investment of time or money. I would have better luck as lunch for a Great White or becoming a human lightening rod.

I can hear what you are all going to say, so lets get the arguments out of the way.

Argument #1: It's not realistic. 
Yes, it's 'out there' kind of thinking, but the old school, go to college, get a degree, get a job and work until you are 65 or older isn't what is working anymore. Companies don't want to hire people out right. They want to have their options open and they don't want to spend all the money on an employee that won't work out in the long run (insurance, work comp, taxes, etc), so they hire temps. That is not working for me any more.

I want a home. A work home.

I want someplace to show up for work everyday and make the money I need to take care of my family. If that's here at home, where I sit now, or if I have to drive, take a train or a bus, that's fine.  

But my reality is I have to work.

I have to do some kind of work that makes me feel like I accomplished something or helped someone, or my favorite, made me proud of what I did, like call your Mom and tell her proud. 

What I learned from my job loss experience before is, I need to associate with real life human beings on a daily basis. I am curious, I'm an observer and through my interactions with most of the people I have worked with, I have worked with some of the most interesting, kind, wonderful, funny people who put that annoying smile on my face day after day. Work is my playground. It's where I shine. I need to be in a place where what I do matters, even if it's just that it matters to me and it's more than "what I do for money" (which makes me feel dirty).

Argument #2: What makes you so perfect? Were you the perfect employee? 
Nothing.
Not by a long shot. I'm not perfect and sometimes I did argue a few cases with management about the quality of my parts, my operators, my company, my peeps, and I know you are just supposed to shut up and get back to work and for the most part I did, but in all the years I've worked I usually got along with most everyone. Most.

True, there are those who are not my biggest fan (and the feeling is mutual) like the emotional vampires that lurk in the darkest places of every work environment and cause trouble for everyone. Those are the people I try to limit contact with because it's like running in quick sand. Once they catch you, they don't let go until they tell you EVERYTHING and the next thing you know you wonder why the sun even rises and sets on it's own and begin to lose hope it ever will again and begin to think being sucked down in their misery to suffocate is not a bad way to go. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And I hate running.

Argument #3: What the hell is your point?
My point is this, if you only get one shot at this life, and you keep doing the same thing over and over and getting the same results, and the results are...not good, then you need to change your approach. I'm not going to grieve over this job loss. I'm not. I will miss the wonderful people I met and worked side by side with for the last few months, even the P.I.T.A.s, but I did learn a lot from working there and if you are losing job after job and are not at least learning something from the people and the experiences you have, then you need professional help. Seriously.

Question #1: What did I learn? 

Question #2: Are you !@#$% nuts? Why are you telling the whole world about this?

The answer to these and other questions will be answered soon.

Tune in for my next post. :)

Please feel free to leave a comment and have a fabulous week! :)

Happy St. Patrick's Day 2011!

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind always be at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

and rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

May God give you...

For every storm, a rainbow,

For every tear, a smile,

For every care, a promise,

And a blessing in each trial.

For every problem life sends,

A faithful friend to share,

For every sigh, a sweet song,

And an answer for each prayer.

May there always be work for your hands to do.

May your purse always hold a coin or two.

May the sun always shine on your windowpane.

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain.

May the hand of a friend always be near you.

May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

Wishing you and yours a million and one blessings on this St. Patrick’s Day and everyday! 

One Writer's Search For Meaning

“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given circumstance.~Viktor E. Frankl

 

All weekend I've been sick, nursing a cold/sinus infection. I've been pretty miserable, but trying to "will myself better" so I can go to work tomorrow. I've allowed myself to be sick, and to take care of myself, to sleep and drink a lot of tea (lemon/ginseng and orange/jasmine tea with hot water and honey), broth, and watch what I want on television (mostly Netflix) and just laze around.

This is not my normal state of being, I assure you. What brought my sickness about is a run down immune system caused by stress and worry. Stress of mind, body and spirit. Worries that haven't manifested or may never manifest, but they still keep running through my head. I keep running on the hamster wheel, going nowhere, not allowing myself time to think, time to sleep, or time to just BE. It finally caught up with me.

As you all know, I dream of being a published writer, someday.

I write here on my blog and tell all my little stories and adventures thinking someone out there must be reading it, even if it's only a handful of my family and friends. I used to wrote articles for the local newspaper, and I'm re-writing and editing a few novels I have written and finished, thanks to National Novel Writing Month in the past, but I never seem to get any further than that. The writing gets pushed back, or I get distracted with something else, or I find some excuse not to finish what I started.

Why? What is the point of writing if you are not going to share it with the world? Why keep doing it? Why not just publish something, ANYTHING, and get it over with? What's the obstacle that keeps me from finishing my so-called dream?

Fear. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear that I will change and that everything will change (which is really silly, because EVERYTHING changes. Nothing is stagnant forever). Well, that is part of it. Mostly, I feel that without becoming a writer, my purpose, my life, is really meaningless. Without the actual act of writing, even for a blog, or a journal, or even a letter or a thank-you card, I feel I am not fulfilling my life's purpose. Everyone keeps asking me when the book is going to get published, when I'm going to have it in their hands and available to buy. I always say, "I'm working on it. I'm editing it. Soon. Soon." But then "soon" never comes. I am not only lying to them, but I am lying to myself. That's wrong. Not fair to them and not fair to me either. I didn't really understand why I was doing this, and how to move beyond it to the place I really want to be. I keep sabotaging myself. 

This weekend I did some reading. I ordered a book I've been wanting to read for a very long time. Since I was sick this weekend, I finally gave myself the time to read it. The book is called, "Man's Search For Meaning," by Dr. Viktor Frankl. If you have not read it yet, please, get this book by any means necessary and read it. If you have children, especially teenagers, give it to them and have them read it. It's that important.

In this book, Dr. Frankl describes in detail his life as a prisoner in four concentration camps including Auschwitz. You would think the subject matter would be depressing, and sometimes it is sad, and I did cry in some parts and at the end, but it is also full of hope and inspiration.

He tells how he and his fellow prisoners could see when someone had lost hope, the signs of their soon to be demise, their inability to get dressed, to even go to work, even if under threat of a beating by the SS guards, how they would just sit, literally in their own juices, smoking their last cigarette, until they died.

It is very dangerous, and deadly, to lose hope, to believe that there is no meaning to your life, when you are faced with such unavoidable circumstances such as unemployment, prison, or death. He details how you can survive the three most horrible things: pain, guilt and death and do them with dignity. That if a man has meaning in his life, something or someone to live for, he can survive anything. And even if it is not possible for him to survive, he can hold his head up high and stand up with honor, while facing death or disease.

This is a man, who lost his whole family: his elderly parents, his young and pregnant wife, his brother, and came back to Vienna to help those after the war, and also in the process, helped himself. He wrote this book in 9 days.

That's not a typo. Nine (9) days. And he went on to marry, have children and continue his work until he died in his 90's in 1997.

But most importantly, he found a way to live, to love and to work to help others. He was able to put that nightmare behind him, find the beauty and humor in that experience and go on to be a joyful, grateful human being, with meaning in his life and his life's work. So many times, the odds were against him surviving, and yet, he made it, because of his attitude toward his situation. He was able to see, even in that horrible place, the beauty of the mountains, the trees, the flowers, the sunsets, and the spirits in his fellow inmates.

Most of what is stressing me out is real: the threat of unemployment again (I keep having bad dreams of it happening again), of not being able to provide for my family, of failing again at my writing, at not measuring up to my expectations or the expectations of those I care about (mostly my expectations are almost impossible to achieve), being good at everything and when I'm not, beating myself up for it, blah, blah, blah.

Now, after reading this book, I ask myself. What is there to fear? If this man could go through losing everything and becoming just "a number", as he describes it, and then write something touching millions of readers and helping them out of the abyss of their despair, and it continues to inspire teachers, therapists, and writers, then isn't it the purpose of every write to touch the life of one person with their words and their work, and leave a legacy behind that will be as true today as it was when it was written? Isn't that why we all write?

We surely write for ourselves on one level, even if it is just to calm the voices and the storms in our heads and get the words on the screen or on the page. But ultimately, we write for the reader, hoping on some level, we are able to help them escape, or laugh or cry or be touched or excited, even for just a little while. And to inspire future writers to take up the pen, or hit those keys.

A blog will disappear with the stroke of a key. And while I really enjoy writing this blog, that is not what I want. I want a legacy. I want a permanent legacy. I want a real, hold in your hands book with my name on it. I want someone to say, as I did tonight as I closed the last page of Dr. Frankl's book, "Thank you for writing this. Thank you. It's what I really needed right now."

I'm feeling much better.

Everybody Is God's Somebody

When I get home from work each night, I have a typical routine. I take a shower, grab a little snack and settle in to email on the computer or watch some television. I sometimes stay up late enough to watch a replay of "Oprah." I watched it last night and was inspired by a set of twins, Helen and Ellen, who are in their eighties and serve food to the community in a small place called "The Love Kitchen" in Knoxville, Tennessee. There was also a younger woman by the name of Dani Johnson, a millionaire, who did work in The Love Kitchen for a show called "Secret Millionaire."

Dani Johnson was no stranger to struggle or striving. She was abused and neglected by her parents, and at the age of seventeen, she became pregnant. By the time she was twenty-one years old, she was homeless. In a little over 2 years, with only a pay phone and the trunk of her car, she began selling health products and was soon a millionaire. She is now happily married for 19 years and has five children. As part of the show, she was supposed to live on $40 per week.

$40 dollars per week. 

She said on the show that it was actually too much money. She said for one person, she was able to keep money in her wallet and survive and thrive on that amount of money. She said even now, as a millionaire, she and her family have a budget of $100 per week. That might explain why she is a millionaire! 

As she was living this way, for about a month (I'm not completely sure, I haven't watched the show), she was to find people in the same situation she was in, who would inspire others. And in the twin sisters, Ellen and Helen, she most certainly found inspiration.

Their motto, taught to them by their father, is "Everybody is God's Somebody."

He also said, "There is no race. Only the Human Race," and told them to "never eat the last piece of bread off the table because someone might be hungry and come looking for it."

I got a great kick out of watching these ladies, and they said they would never slow down. "Lord, if you come to take me, take me on my feet."

I am happy to say that they received a check from Dani Johnson on the show for $20,000 and Oprah contacted Kroger's and they donated a year's worth of food to The Love Kitchen, which will feed the thousands they feed every week and then some. I'm sure because of the show they will reap even more than they have sown, and I am happy for them and the community that needs it so desperately.

I know there are more people like Dani, Helen and Ellen in this world, and I thank them for the work they do. Blessings to them all and the people they serve.

To learn more about The Love Kitchen, go here, or you can find them on Facebook.

And for more on Dani Johnson, visit here.