And Now For Something...Different

I'm not a whiner. I'm not into the whole victim thing, you know, I get picked on or something happens and I feel wronged and cry in the corner while the big bullies laugh at me, until I end up punching someone in the mouth in the church parking lot...Oh, wait, that was Catholic school. Never mind. Fast forward.

Present day. Here I am, once again without a job.

Sigh. (Ok, that's technically a small whine, and it pairs well with cheddar).

I know, it sucks and I'm sure I'm not alone when I make that statement it's not just hard to GET a job, but it's even harder to KEEP one. I could probably find a few people who would say something about why I get let go: age, weight, too friendly, too aloof, too chatty, smile too much, bitchy sometimes, too slow, too fast, weight, age, blah, blah, blah. But when you ask WHY you were let go, you never get a satisfactory answer. They can't. It's against the law so they go the passive-aggressive route and say,

"It's just not working out,"

"The position you hold is no longer available,"

"We're not picking up your option,"

"We're going in a different direction"

"We're downsizing,"

"We're busy NOW, but..."

"It's not personal, it's just business," etc.

For a longer list of lame reasons, click here.

I'm starting to get a complex for crying out loud. You hear that line in your head, "It's not you, you're great. It's me. Can we still be friends?" and you wonder if this is real life or the finale of "The Bachelor" all over again.

I started running through the list of people I came in contact with to figure out who I offended, who I pissed off, and what I did in a previous life to keep losing job after job after job. You don't get a do-over if you screw up with some companies and if you are a temporary employee, then you are expendable anyway. You could just "look wrong" and they will find something, some reason, to get rid of you and not get sued. Which is why you get the above excuses.

So, to those I used to work with, if I offended, pissed off, enraged, chatted too much, smiled too much or if you just don't like fat, middle-aged women with a warped sense of humor and a positive attitude, and a killer recipe for oatmeal raisin cookies, fudge and salsa, then that's YOUR PROBLEM.

I am who I am and I'm not ashamed of who or what I am.

And what is wrong with communication?

Please. Tell me.

Most people run around typing what they want to tell someone on a small little computer keyboard in a short hand nobody but teenagers can understand instead of looking someone in the face.
Or, they actually dial a number on their "smart phones" and speaking to the other person.
We have all become so impersonal and desensitized to one another, that if you actually do something nice, like smile and ask someone how they are, they think you have an agenda.

I admit it.

I did have an agenda.

I really wanted to know how you were.
And I really was happy the sun came out and it was horrible what happened in Japan.

If you can't get to know people and talk to them and get them to talk to you, you can't do your job effectively, can you?

And if someone you are training asks (begs) for help, instruction, guidance, (a training manual) and you are in charge of training them, and act like a member of a really dysfunctional family and think "If I just keep quiet, they will stop asking about it, or distract them and keep them off the subject" or ignore their request completely (basically, setting them up to fail), then isn't that counter productive?
Training should not just stop after a few weeks. In some professions and jobs it is a continuing education. (I forgot to add, I asked too many questions.)

So, in light of this new information, I made a decision. Since I'm not making a consistent living as a temp in manufacturing, just to have a paycheck, then drastic times call for drastic (and fun) measures. 

Time to go for something completely different. Instead of getting all upset, angry, depressed, and feeling like I was the second lowest form of life on the planet, I am going to make this a different experience. I'm going to act like it's Christmas Eve and Santa is clomping those big, old black boots on my rooftop and fake it, until I make it. I'm going to make this a fun, positive, uplifting and life changing experience.

I still want to get a real print book in my hands before I collect social security (and I have a great idea from this whole experience, but nothing solid yet, still working it out).

I need a total career change.

I need a job makeover.

I need a plan.

Since it worked for me finding the love of my life, I'm going to find the work that I love that will provide for me and my family until I retire (or expire), whichever comes first.

Here's my wish list:

Laura's New Career Wish List 2011

1. Best selling published author (like NY Times Top 10), making Stephen King or James Patterson money.
2. Freelance copywriter/marketer making Bob Bly money
3. Professional Public Speaker, motivational, like Tony Robbins only not as loud. :) I have no fear of speaking in front of large crowds (Thanks, Mrs. Fliginger).
4. Work from home as a researcher, blog writer, marketer, book reviewer or movie reviewer and get paid Seth Godin money or Bob Bly money (I like Bob Bly).

6. Paralegal or Legal Secretary (I do have a degree, ladies and gentleman), for criminal or family law, $30,000 per year minimum.
7. Receptionist, or Administrative Assistant making more than $15 per hour.
8. Become a Pharmacy Technician and work at Walgreens so we can move to Florida. (Job security). 

Now. Take a deep breath and let it out.

I will be looking at this every day, planning how I'm going to make it happen, but most importantly (and those who got sucked in by "The Secret", this is the important part), I'm actually going to DO SOMETHING EVERYDAY TO MAKE IT TO MY GOALS!

Because while the lottery jackpot is up there, and I do have a few dollars left, I do know this: If you are playing with scared money, you're not gonna win. And that's not a sound investment of time or money. I would have better luck as lunch for a Great White or becoming a human lightening rod.

I can hear what you are all going to say, so lets get the arguments out of the way.

Argument #1: It's not realistic. 
Yes, it's 'out there' kind of thinking, but the old school, go to college, get a degree, get a job and work until you are 65 or older isn't what is working anymore. Companies don't want to hire people out right. They want to have their options open and they don't want to spend all the money on an employee that won't work out in the long run (insurance, work comp, taxes, etc), so they hire temps. That is not working for me any more.

I want a home. A work home.

I want someplace to show up for work everyday and make the money I need to take care of my family. If that's here at home, where I sit now, or if I have to drive, take a train or a bus, that's fine.  

But my reality is I have to work.

I have to do some kind of work that makes me feel like I accomplished something or helped someone, or my favorite, made me proud of what I did, like call your Mom and tell her proud. 

What I learned from my job loss experience before is, I need to associate with real life human beings on a daily basis. I am curious, I'm an observer and through my interactions with most of the people I have worked with, I have worked with some of the most interesting, kind, wonderful, funny people who put that annoying smile on my face day after day. Work is my playground. It's where I shine. I need to be in a place where what I do matters, even if it's just that it matters to me and it's more than "what I do for money" (which makes me feel dirty).

Argument #2: What makes you so perfect? Were you the perfect employee? 
Nothing.
Not by a long shot. I'm not perfect and sometimes I did argue a few cases with management about the quality of my parts, my operators, my company, my peeps, and I know you are just supposed to shut up and get back to work and for the most part I did, but in all the years I've worked I usually got along with most everyone. Most.

True, there are those who are not my biggest fan (and the feeling is mutual) like the emotional vampires that lurk in the darkest places of every work environment and cause trouble for everyone. Those are the people I try to limit contact with because it's like running in quick sand. Once they catch you, they don't let go until they tell you EVERYTHING and the next thing you know you wonder why the sun even rises and sets on it's own and begin to lose hope it ever will again and begin to think being sucked down in their misery to suffocate is not a bad way to go. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And I hate running.

Argument #3: What the hell is your point?
My point is this, if you only get one shot at this life, and you keep doing the same thing over and over and getting the same results, and the results are...not good, then you need to change your approach. I'm not going to grieve over this job loss. I'm not. I will miss the wonderful people I met and worked side by side with for the last few months, even the P.I.T.A.s, but I did learn a lot from working there and if you are losing job after job and are not at least learning something from the people and the experiences you have, then you need professional help. Seriously.

Question #1: What did I learn? 

Question #2: Are you !@#$% nuts? Why are you telling the whole world about this?

The answer to these and other questions will be answered soon.

Tune in for my next post. :)

Please feel free to leave a comment and have a fabulous week! :)

One Writer's Search For Meaning

“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given circumstance.~Viktor E. Frankl

 

All weekend I've been sick, nursing a cold/sinus infection. I've been pretty miserable, but trying to "will myself better" so I can go to work tomorrow. I've allowed myself to be sick, and to take care of myself, to sleep and drink a lot of tea (lemon/ginseng and orange/jasmine tea with hot water and honey), broth, and watch what I want on television (mostly Netflix) and just laze around.

This is not my normal state of being, I assure you. What brought my sickness about is a run down immune system caused by stress and worry. Stress of mind, body and spirit. Worries that haven't manifested or may never manifest, but they still keep running through my head. I keep running on the hamster wheel, going nowhere, not allowing myself time to think, time to sleep, or time to just BE. It finally caught up with me.

As you all know, I dream of being a published writer, someday.

I write here on my blog and tell all my little stories and adventures thinking someone out there must be reading it, even if it's only a handful of my family and friends. I used to wrote articles for the local newspaper, and I'm re-writing and editing a few novels I have written and finished, thanks to National Novel Writing Month in the past, but I never seem to get any further than that. The writing gets pushed back, or I get distracted with something else, or I find some excuse not to finish what I started.

Why? What is the point of writing if you are not going to share it with the world? Why keep doing it? Why not just publish something, ANYTHING, and get it over with? What's the obstacle that keeps me from finishing my so-called dream?

Fear. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear that I will change and that everything will change (which is really silly, because EVERYTHING changes. Nothing is stagnant forever). Well, that is part of it. Mostly, I feel that without becoming a writer, my purpose, my life, is really meaningless. Without the actual act of writing, even for a blog, or a journal, or even a letter or a thank-you card, I feel I am not fulfilling my life's purpose. Everyone keeps asking me when the book is going to get published, when I'm going to have it in their hands and available to buy. I always say, "I'm working on it. I'm editing it. Soon. Soon." But then "soon" never comes. I am not only lying to them, but I am lying to myself. That's wrong. Not fair to them and not fair to me either. I didn't really understand why I was doing this, and how to move beyond it to the place I really want to be. I keep sabotaging myself. 

This weekend I did some reading. I ordered a book I've been wanting to read for a very long time. Since I was sick this weekend, I finally gave myself the time to read it. The book is called, "Man's Search For Meaning," by Dr. Viktor Frankl. If you have not read it yet, please, get this book by any means necessary and read it. If you have children, especially teenagers, give it to them and have them read it. It's that important.

In this book, Dr. Frankl describes in detail his life as a prisoner in four concentration camps including Auschwitz. You would think the subject matter would be depressing, and sometimes it is sad, and I did cry in some parts and at the end, but it is also full of hope and inspiration.

He tells how he and his fellow prisoners could see when someone had lost hope, the signs of their soon to be demise, their inability to get dressed, to even go to work, even if under threat of a beating by the SS guards, how they would just sit, literally in their own juices, smoking their last cigarette, until they died.

It is very dangerous, and deadly, to lose hope, to believe that there is no meaning to your life, when you are faced with such unavoidable circumstances such as unemployment, prison, or death. He details how you can survive the three most horrible things: pain, guilt and death and do them with dignity. That if a man has meaning in his life, something or someone to live for, he can survive anything. And even if it is not possible for him to survive, he can hold his head up high and stand up with honor, while facing death or disease.

This is a man, who lost his whole family: his elderly parents, his young and pregnant wife, his brother, and came back to Vienna to help those after the war, and also in the process, helped himself. He wrote this book in 9 days.

That's not a typo. Nine (9) days. And he went on to marry, have children and continue his work until he died in his 90's in 1997.

But most importantly, he found a way to live, to love and to work to help others. He was able to put that nightmare behind him, find the beauty and humor in that experience and go on to be a joyful, grateful human being, with meaning in his life and his life's work. So many times, the odds were against him surviving, and yet, he made it, because of his attitude toward his situation. He was able to see, even in that horrible place, the beauty of the mountains, the trees, the flowers, the sunsets, and the spirits in his fellow inmates.

Most of what is stressing me out is real: the threat of unemployment again (I keep having bad dreams of it happening again), of not being able to provide for my family, of failing again at my writing, at not measuring up to my expectations or the expectations of those I care about (mostly my expectations are almost impossible to achieve), being good at everything and when I'm not, beating myself up for it, blah, blah, blah.

Now, after reading this book, I ask myself. What is there to fear? If this man could go through losing everything and becoming just "a number", as he describes it, and then write something touching millions of readers and helping them out of the abyss of their despair, and it continues to inspire teachers, therapists, and writers, then isn't it the purpose of every write to touch the life of one person with their words and their work, and leave a legacy behind that will be as true today as it was when it was written? Isn't that why we all write?

We surely write for ourselves on one level, even if it is just to calm the voices and the storms in our heads and get the words on the screen or on the page. But ultimately, we write for the reader, hoping on some level, we are able to help them escape, or laugh or cry or be touched or excited, even for just a little while. And to inspire future writers to take up the pen, or hit those keys.

A blog will disappear with the stroke of a key. And while I really enjoy writing this blog, that is not what I want. I want a legacy. I want a permanent legacy. I want a real, hold in your hands book with my name on it. I want someone to say, as I did tonight as I closed the last page of Dr. Frankl's book, "Thank you for writing this. Thank you. It's what I really needed right now."

I'm feeling much better.

It's Finally Coming Together

A few weeks ago, I was really wishy-washy.

On the one hand, I was wanting to find a job, any job, just so I could get the worry out of QH's face and out of my head. I've been used to working more than one job for so long, it was disconcerting to be sitting at home and writing (which is something I said I really wanted--more time to write), and not having a paycheck or two coming in from somewhere. And not driving to work is something odd for me, and I still look at the clock at 2pm and think I have to get to work.

On the other hand, I'm writing my tail off, accomplishing what I really want to do and trying to figure out what I can sell to keep this momentum going so I don't have a J-O-B in the way of my creative rush. I know now why Pat O'Bryan sought a "Portable Empire" and never went back to being broke and working at a JOB that robs your spirit and sucks the soul right out of you.

It's finally coming together.
I get it now.
And I'm willing to defend it at every turn.

I don't want to go back to a J-O-B, but if I have to, I will. I just don't want to, and I don't want to give up the progress I've made on my little projects that are finally coming to fruition.

Ask and ye shall receive. I was hoping an answer would present itself, and God answered.

This last week, there was a teleseminar on public speaking, that was free, and I signed up and listened in and took pages of notes. The gentleman on the call was James Malinchak, and he is a paid public speaker. (Go to SpeakingForMoney.com.) He has an impressive track record and I learned a ton on the free call. But of course, he was also promoting his home study speaking course, at the tune of about $2,000. Not in the budget right now, so it's on my wish list. :)

To make a long story short, the Internet is my library. I used it to find relevant articles, some written by Mr. Malinchak on ezinearticles.com and others along the way. As one bread crumb led to another, I also found a great book by Valerie Young "How to Work When, Where and How You Want" which is available on her website ChangingCourse.com. It's a freebie and has a ton of great information. It got my juices flowing and answered some long sought after questions. I highly recommend it. Especially if you are unemployed or may become unemployed or are dreaming of having the life and work you really want. It's simply fabulous.

In the end, I decided that a speaking career would be the perfect fit for me. I am going to my first Toastmasters meeting on Thursday in Elk River. I have the information I need for the National Speakers Association. I have speeches upon speeches written for various topics that I can turn into an ebook, then a CD or DVD and then sell online on my websites (which are going up this week). Since I plan on being a successful published author, that will require me to speak in front of people and promote my book with readings and speeches. I might as well get great at it, and I might as well get paid for it!

I have no fear of public speaking. I feel more comfortable on a stage speaking to people than I sometimes do talking to someone on the phone, or in person. (That all depends on who I'm speaking to, of course.) But my mind has been on super overdrive, and the topic list and the speech drafts are growing by the minute.

The faucet is on and running and I can't shut it off. I'm loving it!!

If I can find a way to get paid for all of this, I won't have to work at a
J-O-B ever again. I can get off the unemployment and be in control of my life again.

I guess that's what's bugged me most about this situation. I've had to depend on the government for my income and I don't like it. It's necessary right now, and I am grateful, don't get me wrong, but when you a have to live like this, it's like you lose a part of your soul. You have to play by their rules. I don't like that because I like making my own damn rules.

So, don't be surprised if you see on this blog a notice or a WHOOOHOOO that I am now speaking for a living and having a blast doing it. I would love to teach people how to do it later on, and I will be out there teaching and motivating and inspiring and I will be free again.

Oh, and the minimum pay for a professional speaker, who isn't famous, doesn't have a particular platform, or much experience is ...

$2,500 per speech. MINIMUM!!

I think I would like to work 4 days a week, and have 2 speeches a day. I think I could live with that. It's doable. :)

I could have someone hire me, or I can set up my own workshops, seminars, etc. I could set up teleseminars and webinars online, so I could do this, get paid, and not even have to leave the house!

Now to find the gigs close to home. That's going to be FUN! I have goosebumps, I can hardly wait to get started!

I hope you all have a great week and find the WHOOHOO in your day!

P.S. The book I've been working on is in the final stages of editing. As soon as I have a release date, you will all be the first to know!!