Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I'm Alive!

"Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated," which is one of my favorite quotes by Mark Twain (if I'm wrong, I'm going to hear from all of you, right?).

For those of you who thought I checked out of the Universe this weekend, you are partially correct. I came home from my mother-in-law's house, feeling really tired, a little groggy and had a headache. Nothing really serious, right? Well, I took a shower, got out and had a case of the shakes I couldn't get rid of. Uh, Oh. The chills. I had a fever.

Thus began my journey into the darkness. I was feverish, my head felt like someone was trying to suck my brains out with a tiny straw, and I couldn't get warm enough, in spite of the piles of blankets and the flannel sheets I was under. I would lift my head and "BOOM" pain, then I would feel like I was going to vomit. Not good.

I did drink water, and I'm still trying to get rehydrated, but the only thing I could stomach all weekend was chicken noodle soup. When I was vertical and walking around, I felt like I was drunk, the floor was tilting and I didn't know if I was going to pass out or fall down. Back to bed I went.

Poor, QH. He was home, then went deer hunting, and spent the weekend peeking in on me to see if I was still breathing. I left him a note, "I'm not dead. Just sick. I feel like I got hit by a truck." He was so sweet, and I was glad I was in the spare room to keep him from getting this horrible virus.

And yes, the doctor confirmed yesterday, it was a virus, not the H1N1, but a sick and twisted version of it, and she also determined I had water in my ear and that my ears were very dirty (which explained the balance issues). I was also told I might have had a migraine headache, which I don't recall ever having one before, but they do run in my family. Oh, goody.

I awoke yesterday, still a little groggy, but I ate some eggs and felt a bit better when I started moving around. I checked my email, and then checked my temperature. It was 99.9 degrees, so it had gone down from the 102.3 reading I had on Saturday. I started drinking coffee, water, and then cleaned my house and opened up the windows to air the house out. I changed the sheets on the spare bed, and washed them and then took a nice long shower. I made an appointment to see the doctor, and I was glad to see the sun was shining.

What I got from this experience was I am so happy to be alive! Really. I see things much clearer, and everything is much more colorful and beautiful. I feel like I can conquer the world. I feel reborn. There's no other way to put it.

I also released a lot of the fear and the doubt I had, and reaffirmed my goals of being a writer and a public speaker. I have a message, and nobody else can give this message of mine, but me, in my way. I know a lot of people are out there saying similar things, but none of them know the things that I know, or feel the things that I feel, and can say things the way I can say them. I am moving forward, full speed ahead, with my dream and my career.

I know a lot of what brought this illness on is stress. I got way too stressed out about things, and instead of doing all I could to alleviate the stress, I instead did what most people do, I internalized it. I did this to myself, over time, and after what I felt this weekend, I don't ever want to go through that again. I did a lot of praying in the darkness. I prayed this would stop, I prayed if this was the end, please make it quick (yes, it was THAT bad), and then when I started feeling a little better, I was quick to pray,"Thank you for letting me live another day."

I'm alive. And I'm very grateful. Thank you for another beautiful day. Now, I'm off to conquer the world.

1 comment:

Sandy said...


I'm so glad you are feeling better. I hadn't heard you had died. I'm glad you're okay now and your spirit is renewed.